As I enter the crowded church foyer and receive a token handshake from a greeter, a few thoughts cross my mind:
Me1: You realize that you are toeing the line that separates you from being The Creepy/Stalker guy, right?
Me2: No, I'm not. What's the big deal? I'm just visiting this church.
Me1: Maybe she changed her mind and switched her privacy settings afterwards. Not being able to add her on Facebook is a sign that she's just not that into you. They even made a movie based on the book.
Me2: It's "He's Just Not That Into You." And that book is for women.
Me1: Yeah, but if she really wanted you to add her, she would have MADE DAMN SURE that her privacy settings were adjusted accordingly.
Me2: I hate you. Why can't you ju-
THERE SHE IS! I spot PrettyBlonde across the room. We make eye contact and I approach her. She gives me a weak smile, which is not a good sign.
Me: Hello! How are you?
PrettyBlonde: Good... (looks shifty eyed). What are you doing here?
Me: Well, a friend of mine invited me to this church, so I thought I would check it out (you shall not bear false witness against your neighbour).
PrettyBlonde: Oh, that's nice (starting to look uncomfortable).
Me: Umm...ok. Did you know that there are 185 'PrettyBlondes' on Facebook? I couldn't find you.
PrettyBlonde: Hmmm...well, maybe it's because my privacy settings restrict people from viewing my profile (candidate for the "Most Obvious Statement of the Year 2009" award). Maybe you should just give me your email.
Me: Umm...ok. (writes down name, number, and email on a piece of paper she hands me. I hand it back to her. She obviously wants to leave.)
PrettyBlonde: Well, the service is starting soon and I'm scheduled to sing on the worship team. I better get going.
Me: Umm...ok.
I wish I was making this up, but that's how it actually went down :-(
The service itself was great. PrettyBlonde had a solo that would make any man's knees weak. The sermon was on how to make good use of our talents and skills during times of waiting. Wow, talk about a sermon that I really needed, huh? The Good Lord truly understands me. At the end of the service, I left feeling refreshed and at peace, even though I knew that PrettyBlonde would not be contacting me.
Except...she did.
That night, I find that PrettyBlonde added me on Facebook! Well, what do you know? She may not be ga-ga over me, but at least she doesn't mind letting me see her status updates and vacation photos of South Africa. However, even this little moral victory was denied to me because over the next few days, I see her on gmail and Facebook chat and I initiate some general small talk, but it is evident that she is not remotely interested in conversing with me AT ALL.
Until one night, on gmail chat...
<7:10 PM> PrettyBlonde: ChristianDude, have you enjoyed your long weekend?
<7:11 PM> Me: Hey PrettyBlonde. Yup, it was a good one. Went to the beach today. How about you?
<7:11 PM> PrettyBlonde: nice! Yeah - it's been work-filled, but good. I am really feeling ready for classes.
<7:11 PM> Me: cool. it's back to school time, huh?
<7:12 PM> PrettyBlonde: I'm jealous of your going to the beach. I love to rollerblade there. yup - Thursday is the first day.
And the conversation went on like that for awhile. Now, at that point, I felt pretty good. It was like she reverted back to the PrettyBlonde at the church charity event. She asked me a few questions regarding my job and then the conversation shifted to her jam-packed schedule:
<7:40 PM> Me: Yeah, you do sound extremely busy. school, conducting, worship, etc.
<7:41 PM> PrettyBlonde: yeah, I'm actually insane. On Saturday night, the worship pastor called me - wants me to play the piano for the choir. Before he called, I had every intention of saying no...and by the end of the conversation I had completely said yes. Awful. I don't know why I do this to myself.
<7:43 PM> Me: I see. trouble saying 'no', huh?
<7:43 PM> PrettyBlonde: yes. much trouble.
Huh...she's a workaholic who has trouble saying no to others. That doesn't sound good. However, maybe she's just trying to make good use of her talents! That's great! Next, the conversation shifted towards swing dancing. It was at this point that things started to become...a little weird:
<8:06 PM> PrettyBlonde: the dance at the church was great though - tons of people - and lots of guys!! I just haven't been in the mood to ask guys to dance lately - so I spend far too much time sitting.
<8:06 PM> Me: how come you haven't been in the mood? (Note that this was another dance that took place at a different church about a week after the charity event).
<8:07 PM> PrettyBlonde: I dunno - I'm not really feeling like being forward...just feeling like guys should ask me - but a lot of the guys don't know me, so I don't get asked much I guess. I could also launch into a psychological self-analysis, but I'll spare you.
<8:08 PM> Me: I like psychological self-analyses, so please feel free if you're comfortable :-)
<8:10 PM> PrettyBlonde: I'm not sure where to begin. ha! ok, I don't want to ask guys to dance because I suppose it somehow parallels my interaction with guys in daily life....
<8:11 PM> PrettyBlonde: when I'm feeling like putting myself out there and "meeting new people" etc... then I'm also more willing to go around asking guys to dance....sometimes, though it's not connected. When I just want to learn to dance better, I ask guys all the time, and it has nothing to do with my normal guy interactions.
<8:18 PM> PrettyBlonde: so if a guy wants to ask me out, fine. but I'm not waiting around for him to. and I'm certainly not initiating anything. so I guess that translates to being kind of complacent when I'm at dances as well...? though they're not necessarily related, but sometime stuff just ends up that way.
Umm...ok. That was unexpected. Was she hinting at something to me? Like, was she assuming, correctly, that I was interested in her and that if we were to go out, I would have to initiate? Next, PrettyBlonde asked me to guess her age. I tried to avoid the question because there was no good way of answering it. Same goes with "Do I look fat in this?" Anyways, eventually, PrettyBlonde reveals that she is 30.
<8:27 PM> PrettyBlonde: so people think I'm like 25 generally...
<8:27 PM> Me: that's a good thing.
<8:28 PM> PrettyBlonde: all that is just to say - I've had 10+ years of dating life, and I no longer find it fun or interesting. so now I'm going to go on with the rest of my life as though dating does not exist.
<8:28 PM> Me: that's too bad. I went on a date today and it was really fun.
Why did I mention that? Seriously?! So, that was actually true, I did go on a date the day this awkward gmail chat took place. In fact, that girl ended up kind of hurting me, which I'm thankful for, because it allowed God's grace to be more evident in my life. Paul's thorn, you know? Trust me, there definitely will be a 10-part series on that particular girl and all the lessons that I learned from that experience. Oh, brother.
<8:28 PM> PrettyBlonde: that's great! I haven't been on a "fun" date in a very long time. they're awkward or dull or ....
At this point, PrettyBlonde tells me that she went on a date a little while ago and that it ended with her feeling nauseous. Since then, the guy has called her a few times to ask her out, but PrettyBlonde is happy to keep it to the one date. She asked me for some advice:
<8:38 PM> Me: Ok, so I say, give my brother in Christ another chance.
<8:38 PM> PrettyBlonde: I suppose.
<8:39 PM> Me: Seriously. Maybe it was just some random weirdness that caused the nausea.
<8:39 PM> PrettyBlonde: it could have been...I do get pretty weird when I'm tired.
(hence the required 9 hours [of sleep])
<8:41 PM> Me: But at some point, if you really don't want to go out and he's unable to read between the lines, then you should tell him directly. If he's the self-confident type, he'll pick himself up, dust himself off, and move on. I've turned down dates as well as been turned down. Yeah, it bruises the ego a bit, but it's part of the experience.
<8:42 PM> PrettyBlonde: yeah... I'm sure he'd be fine. I just dread that conversation.
I felt pretty good about sticking up for my unknown brother in Christ here. Sure, we were both interested in the same girl, but he got to her first. So, UnknownBrotherInChrist, if you're reading this, you owe me a beer :-) In all seriousness, the reason that I was advising her to give UnknownBrotherInChrist another chance is that I believe if it was God's will for PrettyBlonde and I to end up together, He'll make it happen. Same deal for UnknownBrotherInChrist. Again, trusting in Him is a big part of this thing of ours.
A few minutes later, PrettyBlonde decides that she's tired and ready for bed. In retrospect, I should have just written 'Good night' and logged off. Clearly, this was someone who was very conflicted about romantic relationships. Yet, like a turtle checking to see if everything is clear, I decided to stick my head out.
<8:52 PM> Me: Be honest :) What did you think when I asked for your contact info [at the dance]?
