I need to become a vegetarian...

Last week, on a balmy Tuesday evening, I visited my local mega-supermarket.  Shopping at night is great in that one avoids the after work rush but lousy in that most of the fresh stuff is long gone.  Furthermore, this particular Mega-Supermarket seems to have rather sticky floors.  After making sure I had less than 12 items so that I would qualify for the express line, I was a little cranky because the line was moving slowly and I wanted to get home quickly because I had a Mega-Supermarket mega-pack of mega steaks.

Mega.

The line was moving slowly because the overly friendly cashier was spending far too much time talking to an old man up ahead in the line:

Cashier:  (genuine, radiant smile)  Oh, sir.  Some of the eggs in that carton are cracked.  Would you like to get another one?
Old Man:  It's alright.
Cashier:  (genuine, radiant smile)  Are you sure?  We can just get another carton for you right now.
Old Man:  It's alright.
Cashier:  (genuine, radiant smile)  But you don't want to get food poisoning, do you?

You mean the food poisoning I'll get if I don't hurry up and pay for this Mega-Supermarket mega-pack of mega steaks and stick 'em in my freezer?  Despite my impatience (Yes, Lord, something I need to work on), as mentioned in a previous post, I am total a sucker for a pretty smile and it wasn't until I moved up in the cashier line that I realized how pretty she was and how her genuine friendliness and care for the cracked egg old man made her even more attractive to me.

I needed an opening to talk to her.  Something besides, "Yes, I'll take three paper bags, please."  Something cool and snazzy and...QUICK because the line was suddenly moving and I was second in line.  Looking around frantically, I saw that the customer in front of me, a girly teenager, only had a few items in her grocery basket, one of which was a CD.  The teenager paid for her items and began bagging her purchases.  It's go time!

Me:  So, is the new Justin Bieber CD a popular sale at Mega-Supermarket?
SmilelyCashier: (genuine, radiant smile)  You bet.  The girls are crazy for him.
Me:  Well, in that case, I'm glad that I was born in my decade.
SmilelyCashier: (laughs)  Me too.

I paid for my groceries and walked to my car.  It wasn't until I was half way home that I realized I should have asked her out.  Why not, right?  We had a bit of friendly banter.  However, I couldn't just turn around and go back.  My Mega-Supermarket mega pack of mega steaks!  I needed to get them home.  Well, I sped home, put my groceries away, fixed my hair, and then got in the car and drove back to Mega-Supermarket.  On the way over there, I offered up a prayer to the Good Lord as well as had a conversation with myself:

Me: Lord, if you want me to ask this girl out, I pray that she'll still there.
Me2:  You know, this is rather creepy.  Are you sure you want to do this?
Me: Yes, I am aware of that and I am a little nervous about asking out a total stranger.
Me2:  She'll probably call security on you.  And all the other customers in line will think you're crazy.
Me:  Pfft.  It's not like I'll ever see them again.  Plus, most of the women I know complain that men don't ask them out.  So that is what I'm going to do.  Now, shut up, because I'm driving!

My shoes squeak from the stickly floor as I walk in.  Well, I see that she is still there...except now the store is about to close and most of the last minute shoppers are in line for her.   At this point, I considered just going home.  I mean, seriously, the line was going to be at least a 30 minute wait and that was assuming no crazy old men wanted to purchase cracked eggs.  However, I realized that it wasn't like I had anything to do at home besides get ready for bed.  So, I grabbed a few cans of pineapples and got in line.  As I waited in line, I considered making sure that I was the last customer so that no one was behind me when I asked SmileyCashier out.  Why do I fear so much about what random strangers will think of me?  Isn't my self-worth based on Christ alone?  This is something I need to pray about.

Before I knew it, it was my turn again!  SmilelyCashier sees me:

SmilelyCashier:  You again! (Score!  She remembers me!)  I thought you would have purchased enough groceries.  Forget something?
Me:  Uh, yeah.  Must get pineapples.  I forgot pineapples.
SmilelyCashier:  Yeah, that happens to me all the time.
Me:  Actually, when I got home and put away my Mega-Supermarket mega-pack of mega steaks, I decided to come back and thank you for being such an absolutely lovely cashier.
SmilelyCashier: (pretty smile)
Me:  (just noticed her ring finger)  Hey...is that an engagement ring?
SmileyCashier: Actually, it's a wedding ring.
Me:  Oh, man.  That's even worse!  (pause)  Well, you tell your husband that he is one...lucky...guy.
SmileyCashier:  (continues smiling)  Thank you so much.  I think he needs a reminder every now and again.
Me:  Have a good night, SmileyCashier.
SmileyCashier:  You too.  And thanks for coming back.

And there you have it.  Even though she was married, I am glad that I went back.  I have no troubles with approaching girls at a party or at swing dancing.  However, when it comes to chatting with girls at the bus stop or grocery store or other public places, I freeze up.  It's like I need some sort of 'in.'  Some sort of way for them to know that I'm not some creep.  Why do I have this fear?  Where did it come from? Did my parents not hug me enough as a kid? 

Here's another lesson that I've since learned from God.  Rather than being impatient and annoyed, why didn't I appreciate SmilelyCashier's genuine desire to serve the old man by convincing him to get a carton of crackless eggs?  Why couldn't I see that even though she was working at a rather dull and perhaps low paying job, she was doing the best possible job she could?  Whether SmileyCashier knew it or not, she was not working for man, but rather for God.

From one perspective, I drove home that night.  From another perspective, I actually walked home that night.  I was walking on sunshine because I was starting to slowly conquer my fears and resting in God's presence.

I'm still alive...

I need to update this thing more often...especially since I have tons of embarassing stories to share with random strangers all around the world (and perhaps, the universe?).

Last night, I went to a speed dating event.  Tomorrow night, after work, I'm going to head to the 24 hour deli near my place and write this up. 

Other random news is that I've recently purchased a place!  Time to start a new stage of life as a homeowner.  Even though I'm really thankful to the Good Lord Jesus for this blessing, and all the other blessings in my life, I can't help but feel I would be happier if I had that special someone to share this all with.  I'm still bummed out a little from the girl I was seeing not too long ago (see previous post), but with faith and prayer, this too shall pass.

Hmmm...BibleGateway's passage of the day:
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” 
Proverbs 31:30

Now that I'm single again...

I'm back.

Pretty Blonde - Part 2

Just a quick summary of the previous posting.  I meet PrettyBlonde at a church event and we hit it off.  At the end of the night, I decide to ask if I could add her on Facebook.  She responds in the affirmative and gives me her full name.  Upon arriving home, I search for her on Facebook, but PrettyBlonde can not be found.  I decide to visit the church she attends the following Sunday...

As I enter the crowded church foyer and receive a token handshake from a greeter, a few thoughts cross my mind:

Me1:  You realize that you are toeing the line that separates you from being The Creepy/Stalker guy, right?
Me2:  No, I'm not.  What's the big deal?  I'm just visiting this church.
Me1:  Maybe she changed her mind and switched her privacy settings afterwards.  Not being able to add her on Facebook is a sign that she's just not that into you.  They even made a movie based on the book.
Me2:  It's "He's Just Not That Into You."  And that book is for women.
Me1:  Yeah, but if she really wanted you to add her, she would have MADE DAMN SURE that her privacy settings were adjusted accordingly.
Me2:  I hate you.  Why can't you ju-

THERE SHE IS!  I spot PrettyBlonde across the room.  We make eye contact and I approach her.  She gives me a weak smile, which is not a good sign.

Me:  Hello!  How are you?
PrettyBlonde:  Good... (looks shifty eyed).  What are you doing here?
Me:  Well, a friend of mine invited me to this church, so I thought I would check it out (you shall not bear false witness against your neighbour).
PrettyBlonde:  Oh, that's nice (starting to look uncomfortable).
Me:  Umm...ok.  Did you know that there are 185 'PrettyBlondes' on Facebook?  I couldn't find you.
PrettyBlonde:  Hmmm...well, maybe it's because my privacy settings restrict people from viewing my profile (candidate for the "Most Obvious Statement of the Year 2009" award).  Maybe you should just give me your email.
Me:  Umm...ok. (writes down name, number, and email on a piece of paper she hands me. I hand it back to her. She obviously wants to leave.)
PrettyBlonde:  Well, the service is starting soon and I'm scheduled to sing on the worship team.  I better get going.
Me:  Umm...ok.

I wish I was making this up, but that's how it actually went down :-(  

The service itself was great.  PrettyBlonde had a solo that would make any man's knees weak.  The sermon was on how to make good use of our talents and skills during times of waiting.  Wow, talk about a sermon that I really needed, huh?  The Good Lord truly understands me.  At the end of the service, I left feeling refreshed and at peace, even though I knew that PrettyBlonde would not be contacting me.

Except...she did.

That night, I find that PrettyBlonde added me on Facebook!  Well, what do you know?  She may not be ga-ga over me, but at least she doesn't mind letting me see her status updates and vacation photos of South Africa.  However, even this little moral victory was denied to me because over the next few days, I see her on gmail and Facebook chat and I initiate some general small talk, but it is evident that she is not remotely interested in conversing with me AT ALL.

Until one night, on gmail chat...

<7:10 PM> PrettyBlonde: ChristianDude, have you enjoyed your long weekend?
<7:11 PM> Me: Hey PrettyBlonde. Yup, it was a good one. Went to the beach today.  How about you?
<7:11 PM> PrettyBlonde: nice! Yeah - it's been work-filled, but good. I am really feeling ready for classes.
<7:11 PM> Me: cool. it's back to school time, huh? 
<7:12 PM> PrettyBlonde: I'm jealous of your going to the beach. I love to rollerblade there.  yup - Thursday is the first day.

And the conversation went on like that for awhile.  Now, at that point, I felt pretty good.  It was like she reverted back to the PrettyBlonde at the church charity event.  She asked me a few questions regarding my job and then the conversation shifted to her jam-packed schedule:

<7:40 PM> Me: Yeah, you do sound extremely busy. school, conducting, worship, etc.
<7:41 PM> PrettyBlonde: yeah, I'm actually insane.  On Saturday night, the worship pastor called me - wants me to play the piano for the choir.  Before he called, I had every intention of saying no...and by the end of the conversation I had completely said yes.  Awful.  I don't know why I do this to myself.
<7:43 PM> Me: I see. trouble saying 'no', huh?
<7:43 PM> PrettyBlonde: yes. much trouble.

Huh...she's a workaholic who has trouble saying no to others.  That doesn't sound good.  However, maybe she's just trying to make good use of her talents!  That's great!  Next, the conversation shifted towards swing dancing.  It was at this point that things started to become...a little weird:

<8:06 PM>  PrettyBlonde: the dance at the church was great though - tons of people - and lots of guys!!  I just haven't been in the mood to ask guys to dance lately - so I spend far too much time sitting.
<8:06 PM> Me: how come you haven't been in the mood? (Note that this was another dance that took place at a different church about a week after the charity event).
<8:07 PM> PrettyBlonde: I dunno - I'm not really feeling like being forward...just feeling like guys should ask me - but a lot of the guys don't know me, so I don't get asked much I guess.  I could also launch into a psychological self-analysis, but I'll spare you.
<8:08 PM> Me: I like psychological self-analyses, so please feel free if you're comfortable :-)
<8:10 PM> PrettyBlonde:  I'm not sure where to begin.  ha!  ok, I don't want to ask guys to dance because I suppose it somehow parallels my interaction with guys in daily life....
<8:11 PM> PrettyBlonde: when I'm feeling like putting myself out there and "meeting new people" etc... then I'm also more willing to go around asking guys to dance....sometimes, though it's not connected. When I just want to learn to dance better, I ask guys all the time, and it has nothing to do with my normal guy interactions.
<8:18 PM> PrettyBlonde: so if a guy wants to ask me out, fine.  but I'm not waiting around for him to.  and I'm certainly not initiating anything.  so I guess that translates to being kind of complacent when I'm at dances as well...?  though they're not necessarily related, but sometime stuff just ends up that way.

Umm...ok.  That was unexpected.  Was she hinting at something to me?  Like, was she assuming, correctly, that I was interested in her and that if we were to go out, I would have to initiate? Next, PrettyBlonde asked me to guess her age.  I tried to avoid the question because there was no good way of answering it.  Same goes with "Do I look fat in this?"  Anyways, eventually, PrettyBlonde reveals that she is 30.

<8:27 PM> PrettyBlonde: so people think I'm like 25 generally...
<8:27 PM> Me: that's a good thing.
<8:28 PM> PrettyBlonde: all that is just to say - I've had 10+ years of dating life, and I no longer find it fun or interesting.  so now I'm going to go on with the rest of my life as though dating does not exist.
<8:28 PM> Me: that's too bad. I went on a date today and it was really fun.

Why did I mention that?  Seriously?!  So, that was actually true, I did go on a date the day this awkward gmail chat took place.  In fact, that girl ended up kind of hurting me, which I'm thankful for, because it allowed God's grace to be more evident in my life.  Paul's thorn, you know?  Trust me, there definitely will be a 10-part series on that particular girl and all the lessons that I learned from that experience.  Oh, brother.

<8:28 PM> PrettyBlonde: that's great! I haven't been on a "fun" date in a very long time.  they're awkward or dull or ....

At this point, PrettyBlonde tells me that she went on a date a little while ago and that it ended with her feeling nauseous.  Since then, the guy has called her a few times to ask her out, but PrettyBlonde is happy to keep it to the one date.  She asked me for some advice:

<8:38 PM> Me: Ok, so I say, give my brother in Christ another chance.
<8:38 PM> PrettyBlonde: I suppose.
<8:39 PM> Me: Seriously. Maybe it was just some random weirdness that caused the nausea.
<8:39 PM> PrettyBlonde: it could have been...I do get pretty weird when I'm tired.
  (hence the required 9 hours [of sleep])
<8:41 PM> Me: But at some point, if you really don't want to go out and he's unable to read between the lines, then you should tell him directly. If he's the self-confident type, he'll pick himself up, dust himself off, and move on. I've turned down dates as well as been turned down. Yeah, it bruises the ego a bit, but it's part of the experience.
<8:42 PM> PrettyBlonde: yeah... I'm sure he'd be fine.  I just dread that conversation.

I felt pretty good about sticking up for my unknown brother in Christ here.  Sure, we were both interested in the same girl, but he got to her first.  So, UnknownBrotherInChrist, if you're reading this, you owe me a beer :-)  In all seriousness, the reason that I was advising her to give UnknownBrotherInChrist another chance is that I believe if it was God's will for PrettyBlonde and I to end up together, He'll make it happen. Same deal for UnknownBrotherInChrist. Again, trusting in Him is a big part of this thing of ours.

A few minutes later, PrettyBlonde decides that she's tired and ready for bed.  In retrospect, I should have just written 'Good night' and logged off.  Clearly, this was someone who was very conflicted about romantic relationships.  Yet, like a turtle checking to see if everything is clear, I decided to stick my head out.

<8:52 PM> Me: Be honest :) What did you think when I asked for your contact info [at the dance]?

Pretty Blonde - Part 1

Last summer, I went to a fund raising event held at a church.  The organizers were raising money for battered women support services and the event was to consist of a live band playing swing dancing music.  At this point, I should mention that I'm a big fan of swing dancing and have been dancing for about two years.  Well, after many awkward dances with beginners on the crowded dance floor, I took a seat to take a break.  A pretty blonde girl walked up to me and asked me to dance and I said yes.  We chatted a bit during the dance:

Me:  Thanks for asking me.  Do you dance often?
PrettyBlonde:  You don't remember, do you?  We've danced before.
Me:  (stares blankly as I perform a swing out)  Uh....Wait!  Yes, I remember you.  We met last year at another dance venue.
PrettyBlonde:  Yes, that's right!
Me:  Well, I've danced with so many pretty girls, I couldn't possibly remember them all!
PrettyBlonde:  (produces what sounds like a genuine laugh to me)

Now, an even better pseudonym for PrettyBonde would be PrettyAndSmartBlonde.  That's not to say that blondes can't be smart, but the girl here is quite educated as well as beautiful.  She had gone to university to study electrical engineering and, upon graduation, worked as a high school teacher.  After a few years, she realized that her true passion was for music, specifically, choral conducting.  That led to her moving over to my part of the country to pursue a music degree at the local bible college.  The main reason I (eventually) remembered her was because she had told me that she was the youngest child and had four older brothers, to which I replied, I feel sorry for the guys you bring home!

Fast forward back to the charity dancing event.  After our dance, we chatted about work, school, and faith.  I'm a total sucker for a pretty smile, and this girl has one that is absolutely stunning.  I sensed a genuine desire on her part to continue the conversation with me.  In fact, after a friend of hers interrupted our conversation and PrettyBlonde shifted the conversation towards her, I took this as a sign that she was not interested in me in that way, so I excused myself, and went back to the dance floor.  However, later on, she found me again and said "Now where were we?" and we continued chatting.

Towards the end of the night, I decided to take a risk and ask for her contact info.  Normally, I like to ask for a girl's digits after seeing each other a few more times at social gatherings.  That way, she'll have had some time to see that I've scored sufficiently low enough on the Creepy-Weirdo-Stalker Index for her to feel safe to give me her contact info.  However, I reasoned that since we have already gone more than a year without bumping into each other again, I decided to take a risk...sort of:

Me:  So...are you on Facebook?  Can I add you?
PrettyBlonde:  Sure.
Me:  Don't worry, I'm not a stalker.
PrettyBlonde:  (100 MW smile) I wouldn't be giving you my info if I thought you were.

She writes her full name on a blue napkin and hands it to me.  Success!  Score one for the good guys.

When I got home that night, I got onto Facebook immediately and punched in her name.  Hmm...185 people on Facebook with the same name as PrettyBlonde's.  I frantically scrolled through every one and NONE of them looked like her.  In fact, none of them were even in the same area as me.  Some random thoughts that went screaming through my head:

1. She gave me a fake name because I had something hanging from my nose the whole night.
2. Or...maybe she had set her privacy settings so that I couldn't search for her...and just forgot to tell me?
3. All of the above.
   

What a horrible way to come down from a euphoric high, eh?  Now, there was a time in my life in which I would have just slouched off and just assumed that she wasn't into me.

But no more.

This past year, I've really sensed that I need to start realizing my value.  And that goes for all of you reading this, if any.  Jesus was willing to die for me.  FOR ME.  FOR YOU.  That gives me value.  My self-worth does not come from the size of my pay cheque or the car I drive, or, in this case, what some pretty girl thinks of me, but rather what Christ did for all of us on the cross.  What do I have to fear?  Is PrettyBlonde somehow in less need of grace and forgiveness than I am?  This recent realization has led me to live a more fearless life for God.  Take some chances, right?

Screw this!  I'm not going to back down so easily!  Let's pull a John Eldridge and pursue the beauty.  I want to ask her out.  She had mentioned that she played on the worship team of this church that I know of.  Even though the church is out of my way, I decided to pay a visit the following Sunday...

Sexless and the City

It is written that patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.  That may be so, but why wait for fruit to grow when I can just buy all that I need at the grocery store?  They even have these self-check out lines now, so I can be eating my store bought fruit in no time!

That pretty much sums up my views on being patient.  I'm the guy who hates it when people are in the left lane but drive painfully slow.  I always run up or down the stairs in a building rather than wait for the elevator and I absolutely detest people in the cashier line who don't have their payment, preferably in cash because debit cards always seem to require at least three swipes to work, in hand when they reach the cashier.

While impatience in certain areas of life are probably beneficial, it is extremely hard being a patient, single Christian guy.  Lately, I've been feeling extremely impatient abut when the Good Lord is going to bring a lovely Christian girl into my life.  I can't even begin to estimate how many, many, MANY of my prayer entries involve my single stage.  It's not that I'm unhappy being single.  I am a firm believer in glorifying God in all that I do:

"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people."  Colossians 3:23 (NLT).

So, no matter what's going on in my current stage of life, I will try to make the best of it.  For example, being single without any children affords me more free time, so I've been volunteering at my local art gallery helping little kids make play dough snow men and cutting out construction paper shapes for them.  Recently, a cute-as-a-button three year old boy told me that he liked me after I helped him make a play dough dragon/mouse hybrid monster :-)

However, despite all this, I am still impatient for a romantic relationship that will, eventually, lead to marriage.  For some odd reason, I'm ashamed of this desire because I know that a large part of it is due to my sex drive.  I mean, come on!  I'm a healthy, red-blooded 28 year old man.  I believe that this sex drive is biological and from God, so I guess there really is no reason to be embarrassed about it.  That said, I am not going to indulge in it in a hedonistic manner.  What separates me from an animal is that I can consciously go against my biological urges for a greater purpose.  Furthermore, it's not like I'll be spending the vast majority of my marriage doing nothing but the horizontal mambo.  Marriage life is probably going to be the toughest challenge I'll ever tackle, but alas, at the moment, I am mostly thinking about the wedding night.

What to do about this crazy sex drive of mine?  Well, I suppose the easiest thing to do would be to just go from nightclub to nightclub and buy countless drinks for random girls and eventually one of them will go back to my place for wild, anonymous sex.  Actually, you know what?  We're in a recession right now and times are tough.  A typical club in my hometown will charge about $20 as a cover.  Drinks go for $6 to $8, including tip.  Multiple drinks at multiple clubs?!  That can really add up!  Therefore, an even cheaper solution to relieving my sex drive would be to lock myself in my bedroom and log onto certain websites.  I mean, a jar of Vaseline runs for only about $5.  You don't need to be an economist to see that's quite a bit in savings!

However, I am a follower of one Jesus Christ.  I believe in reserving sex for marriage and I don't believe in taking matters into my own hands, figuratively and literally speaking.  Where does this leave me?  Pffft....I don't know.  I really don't know.

What I do know, however, is that I'm not going to compromise my beliefs.  Faith in the Good Lord and His plans for us is a large part of this thing of ours.  Ultimately, what I want is an emotionally and physically intimate relationship in the context of marriage.  Mindless sex and/or masturbation just won't cut it for me, you know?

All I can really tell myself is that I need to make good use of this current gift of singleness and try not to focus too much on myself.  In the book of James, we have this passage:

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."  James 1:2-4 (NLT).

The only thing I can do at the moment is to endure through this crazy sex drive and let this trial further strengthen my faith in God.  A tangible first step would be to not rush through life, so maybe I'll drive in the slow lane more often.  On a final note, the topic of pornography and masturbation was mentioned briefly in this post, but I think that this topic certainly deserves to be its own post in the very near future.

Hello World!

What are your mental images associated with the word 'prayer'? Well, regardless of your faith, or lack thereof, I would be willing wager one mental image would consist of some Joe/Josephine Blow trying to communicate with some higher being. As a follower of Jesus Christ born and raised in North America, my experience with prayer consists of the standard bowing of one's head, lacing up of one's fingers, and having a conversation with God.

However, early in my Christian walk, I discovered that my mind would wonder during prayer. I might be praying for a friend and then suddenly start thinking about whether anyone has commented on my latest and greatest Facebook status update. Over time, I quickly learned that I enjoyed writing my prayers out in the form of letters to God because this forced me to sit down and concentrate on stringing words together into coherent sentences like pretty beads on a necklace. My tools of the trade? A standard 80 page spiral notebook and Bic pens of all shapes and colours. Since my becoming a Christian eight years ago, I have compiled about 50 of such prayer books, each starting off with the date, time, and location I started writing. Recording my prayers is a good habit for me, because it allows me to review what I've prayed about over the years and see how God has answered (or not answered) those prayers. Furthermore, I get quite a kick seeing how my values and beliefs have changed over time!

This will no doubt hurt my chances of winning a Nobel Peace Prize in my later years, but I must admit that a somewhat large portion of my prayers do not involve ending world hunger or the negotiation of a truly successful peace treaty between Israel and Palestine, but rather which pretty Christian girls I happen to be attracted to at the time of writing. Furthermore, because I've been fortunate enough to successfully convince a not insignificant number of said girls to go hang out with me, I've also used my prayer books to record my pre- and post-date analyses. Over the years, I've collected an array of such stories and listed what went right, what went wrong, and what went horrendously wrong, and how these experiences have molded my relationship with Jesus Christ.

The purpose of this blog isn't to bad mouth the girls I have gone out with, but rather to share some humorous, frightening, or just plain weird events that have happened to me in my navigation of the choppy waters of romantic relationships as a Christian guy. It is my hope that this blog will enlighten readers, if any, and help them realize that the crazy crap that happens in their lives is not unique to them...or at the very least, provide some cheap laughs before they go back to deciding which YouTube video to watch next. Please come and enjoy this trip down memory lane with me!